Sex Is More Than Just Pleasure – Ara The Drummer

By Ayo Onikoyi

Nigerian drummer Ara The Drummer has offered her view on intimacy, relationships, and personal boundaries, saying that sex extends beyond physical pleasure to a deeper connection.

During an interview on the Under Her Skin Podcast, Ara noted that many people underestimate the importance of sexual intimacy and the level of access it grants another person into their lives.

“Sex is not just enjoyment; it’s literally just putting your life’s plan in somebody’s hands,” she said.

She likened sexual intimacy to sharing private information, stating: “You don’t give someone the PIN to your ATM card or the password to your email. When you sleep with someone, they can access you.”

Ara added that, from her view, intimacy forms a profound bond between two individuals.

She said, “You are giving them the code to your spirit, to your realm, and they can do and undo with you.”

Reflecting on why people set boundaries around physical intimacy, she asked why some women make statements about particular types of contact.

“Why do you think some girls say things like, ‘Unless you didn’t touch my breast’? Why do you think they say those kinds of things? It’s deep,” Ara said.

She added that, regardless of how the act is defined, intimacy itself forges a connection.

“Some people would say, ‘I didn’t touch the breast, I only entered from behind,’ but you still entered. Once you give someone that access, they can summon you; they can do anything to you,” she said.

The veteran drummer also admitted that her personal experiences have influenced her views on relationships.

She revealed, “I have fallen many times because I laid with the wrong person.”

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