How to Live a Long Life, by Bisi Adeleye‑Fayemi

If you want to live long

Master the art of counting one to ten whenever someone upsets you.

If you are still not calm after ten, count to twenty.

If you want to live long, know where witches and wizards live.

They don’t live in your village.

It is not your stepmother or mother‑in‑law.

I am sure they get on your nerves but that does not make them witches.

Your uncle might be cantankerous.

It does not mean he wants you dead.

After all, if you die, who will bury him?

If you want to live long, know that witches and wizards live in mostly two places.

They are either in that cold, anonymous, unfeeling space online, or they are simply living in your head rent‑free.

If you want to live long, learn how to love yourself.

Then you can love others in any order you desire.

If you do not love yourself, you will spend a lifetime loving weapons fashioned against you.

If you want to live long, you need the skin of a rhinoceros, the resilience of a bear, the gentleness of a dove, the strength of a lion, the work ethic of an ant, the loyalty of a dog—or cat if you prefer—and the memory of an elephant.

If animals are not your thing, perhaps you might consider the forgiving spirit of Mandela, the wisdom of Solomon, the courage of Daniel, or the resourcefulness of Jonah – he had a good explanation for being missing for three days and three nights.

I, however, do not recommend this because your spouse might have an issue with your alibi.

But I digress.

If you want to live long, you need to mind your own business.

Keep people away from your business.

Learn how to see, hear, talk, and smell.

Learn how to be blind, deaf, dumb, and to smell roses when others smell stink.

And when you smell something foul, keep it to yourself but figure out the source.

If you want to live long, know when to fight, when to live to fight another day, when to give, and when to withhold.

Know what can be healed and what can’t be cured.

If you want to live long, read for the same reasons you eat.

It will keep you alive and healthy.

If you want to live long, learn the value of things.

There are things money can buy aplenty.

Enjoy them; they might make your life easier.

There are things money can’t buy.

They are simply priceless.

Spend your life knowing what they are.

If you find out what they are, you might live a little longer.

If you want to live long, know that whenever you wake up is your morning.

Be grateful to have survived the uncertainties of the night.

If you want to live long, know that it is a good thing to spend many years in this realm.

It is even better to have spent them well.

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